I’ve been a little discombobulated the last few days.
There are changes in the wind and movement on SKIL2 …and for the last few weeks I’ve been very excited …until yesterday …when I woke feeling really irritable and tired … and started sneezing for 18 hours …and yelled at Coco.
Took me a while but I realized that I was afraid … of moving from my comfort zone …of SKIL2 falling on it’s arse …of doing this all on my own.
And yesterday I asked some people to help me with areas of SKIL2 …and I drank lots of tea …and felt crappy.
Spent the last few hours today reading blogs online …and joined up to go to an online learning conference [online and free] in November to see the current learning trends internationally.
What was even more useful was reading a blog post by a woman who cracks me up with her daily writing about her life …Jessica writes the Booshy blog.
Todays post was called ‘ Are you afraid? Of what?’ and she wrote about her dream to write …and the fear that was blocking it.
One of the things I love about blogging is that people respond with support and their own stories.
I wrote a comment to support Jessica and found myself clarifying a few things for myself.
And what if you don’t write?
What’s the payoff … the reward for staying where you are?
What’s the pain?
And …if you move forward [or sideways ...wherever!] what’s the payoff …what’s the pain?
You know that voice in your head [and are you sure there's only one? I have about a dozen, but don't tell anyone]?
Tell it to Shut The Feather Up!
And as for fear … it’s holding hands with courage and excitement.
One step …one bite …one leap … whatever … just do one thing to move toward your dream.
your dream …not anyone elses …not society’s …or your friends …or your families …your dream.
As for FAILURE … what does it even mean?
Having a dream … a purpose …a sense of passion … makes us feel alive …that’s success,
Making promises to yourself to act on the dream …now …that’s success.
Speaking it and asking for support …that’s success.
Swearing and nagging hubby as you struggle and flow in your writing … that’s success.
Eating your body weight in yummies as you muse on your ideas …that’s success.
Finding reasons to stay in your comfort zone … that’s normal.
I know FEAR by its first name …it’s an insidious little bastard and it can wrap it’s tentacles around you in a way that feels almost comforting.
It’s voice is all the excuses for not doing and being the incredibly perfect/imperfect person you wish to be.
yeh – there are millions of books …so what?
We all have unique voices …so go sing.
Slan
Lizp.s I’m in the middle of a 2 day fear attack about a whole enterprise I’m developing. One moment I know it could revolutionise learning spaces for charities … the next …I’m sure a million other people have done it.
So …my gut wrenches and I can’t stop sneezing [yeh - a hysterical stress reaction ...except when you've been sneezing on and off for 18 hours!] …and I even yelled at my lovely dog Coco [i've apologised].
And … I’m not ignoring the feelings … I’m listening and working out new ways to focus the project and get support.
I’m also allowing myself to be afraid and excited and proud of how far I’ve brought the idea forward in a year.
And writing this to you …initially to support you …has provided a sense of support for me. Thanks Jessica.
Oh yeh … as I was writing away I realised that I’d stopped sneezing!
And I’m going to take Coco for a walk and be content.
Hi Liz: first, thank you for your comment…and your support. I’m glad it ended up helping you at the same time. Words lend to clarity…and make things seem more concrete and real instead of just floating around in your brain.
Well, for me, anyway…and it seems to be that way for you, too.
Second, I hope your “plan” for work is awesome and well received, though I have no doubts it will be.
Lastly, have a wonderful day. I’m so glad you read my blog (I know how conceited that sounds…but I do have a point…) because if you didn’t, I would have never had the chance to read your words that ring so true and contain such raw emotion that you cannot help but be drawn in and forced to heed their meaning… I know I’ll look back on when I need a little “reminder.”
backattya Jessica …your words make me laugh & think.
your post and my reply really helped me clarify what I was feeling … and what I was going to do to reduce the fear and increase the confidence at this critical stage of SKIL2.
and I’m enjoying the day feeling calmer as a result of all this reading and writing.
coco has had a lovely run and just helped me eat our Sunday fry.
i have a cuppa and the papers and am going to loll for hours …and then tidy my office for the busy week ahead …then loll some more …and maybe around 6pm coco and i will have another walk by the canal.
sweet.
Hi LizBiz
I just read your comment on my blog from February 2009!
Its’ so nice that you contacted me, and I do google you more than I care to admit!
Maybe we have things in common. You have dog named Coco. My 13 year old Lhasa Apso, Patrick, died in Dec. 2008 after a long illness. I then adopted Jack, a Coton du Tulear. He was adorable, but had an aggressive streak that almost took my eye. He had to be put down a few weeks ago, and I’m feeling rather blue without a little guy next to my desk.
Thank you so much for reaching out, and I’ll enjoy reading your blog all the more.
I’ve just gone back to my blog with some musings about going zero-waste in my house. Hah! It will take my mind off the dogs for the next year. I’m just not ready to say good bye to another one, and I am very curious to see if zero-waste is remotely possible.
Take care,
Lizanne
Liz: I just thanked you via twitter for the link to Life Dreaming…but wasn’t sure if you’d see it, so I’m doing it here, too. We also just got back from an hour long jaunt with the dogs…they are totally worn out now
Thanks Jessica
It’s all about sharing and supporting.
Two dogs? One keeps me active … although she’s curled up asleep next to me.
Laughed at your recent post and may never look down the plug hole of the shower again!
I HATE cleaning and wish my dog had hands!
Both of you, you are great! I just wrote a post about how we like-minded connect in the blogosphere and I pasted your comment Liz, that you wrote on Jessica’s blog. I hope you don’t mind! It was such a in-the-moment-inspiration that I know resonates with what so many people are feeling! You should be proud and continue to spread light around you! We are so much stronger than we allow ourselves to be sometimes…
And I like that you added how we actually, are just reminding ourselves
Thank you/ me….
Love the butterflies in your new header. Miss Coco.
Lindy
I miss Coco as well Lindy.I love the butterflies and the colours and the photo is only a few months old.
I have no doubt I’ll wake up one morning and Marc will have added Coco … and my photo will be gone.
Coco in real life is fab and we’re out walking before 8 am every morning. She’s delighted with me … and I’m delighted with all my new wet weather gear … waterproof jacket, trousers, wellies and a cap to keep the rain off my glasses. fab.
Hope all is well with you Lindy.
Take good care
Liz