I’ve been a little discombobulated the last few days.
There are changes in the wind and movement on SKIL2 …and for the last few weeks I’ve been very excited …until yesterday …when I woke feeling really irritable and tired … and started sneezing for 18 hours …and yelled at Coco.
Took me a while but I realized that I was afraid … of moving from my comfort zone …of SKIL2 falling on it’s arse …of doing this all on my own.
And yesterday I asked some people to help me with areas of SKIL2 …and I drank lots of tea …and felt crappy.
Spent the last few hours today reading blogs online …and joined up to go to an online learning conference [online and free] in November to see the current learning trends internationally.
What was even more useful was reading a blog post by a woman who cracks me up with her daily writing about her life …Jessica writes the Booshy blog.
Todays post was called ‘ Are you afraid? Of what?’ and she wrote about her dream to write …and the fear that was blocking it.
One of the things I love about blogging is that people respond with support and their own stories.
I wrote a comment to support Jessica and found myself clarifying a few things for myself.
And what if you don’t write?
What’s the payoff … the reward for staying where you are?
What’s the pain?
And …if you move forward [or sideways …wherever!] what’s the payoff …what’s the pain?
You know that voice in your head [and are you sure there’s only one? I have about a dozen, but don’t tell anyone]?
Tell it to Shut The Feather Up!
And as for fear … it’s holding hands with courage and excitement.
One step …one bite …one leap … whatever … just do one thing to move toward your dream.
your dream …not anyone elses …not society’s …or your friends …or your families …your dream.
As for FAILURE … what does it even mean?
Having a dream … a purpose …a sense of passion … makes us feel alive …that’s success,
Making promises to yourself to act on the dream …now …that’s success.
Speaking it and asking for support …that’s success.
Swearing and nagging hubby as you struggle and flow in your writing … that’s success.
Eating your body weight in yummies as you muse on your ideas …that’s success.
Finding reasons to stay in your comfort zone … that’s normal.
I know FEAR by its first name …it’s an insidious little bastard and it can wrap it’s tentacles around you in a way that feels almost comforting.
It’s voice is all the excuses for not doing and being the incredibly perfect/imperfect person you wish to be.
yeh – there are millions of books …so what?
We all have unique voices …so go sing.
p.s I’m in the middle of a 2 day fear attack about a whole enterprise I’m developing. One moment I know it could revolutionise learning spaces for charities … the next …I’m sure a million other people have done it.
So …my gut wrenches and I can’t stop sneezing [yeh – a hysterical stress reaction …except when you’ve been sneezing on and off for 18 hours!] …and I even yelled at my lovely dog Coco [i’ve apologised].
And … I’m not ignoring the feelings … I’m listening and working out new ways to focus the project and get support.
I’m also allowing myself to be afraid and excited and proud of how far I’ve brought the idea forward in a year.
And writing this to you …initially to support you …has provided a sense of support for me. Thanks Jessica.
Oh yeh … as I was writing away I realised that I’d stopped sneezing!
And I’m going to take Coco for a walk and be content.